Gathering with Loved Ones? Talk About Healthcare Decisions this Holiday Season
The words “We have to talk” can fill a person with dread, especially when spoken by a spouse or partner. But it is vitally important to have conversations about healthcare decision-making before we are faced with making those difficult decis
ions. The holiday season brings family and friends closer together and can present the perfect opportunity to talk about our wishes should we become unable to make healthcare decisions for ourselves.
Benjamin Franklin famously said that only two things are certain in life — death and taxes. While both are unfortunately unavoidable, we can promise that no one has ever died from discussing healthcare decisions. The most important thing you need to do is give your loved ones peace of mind by selecting your health care proxy.
What is a Healthcare Proxy?
The New York Health Care Proxy Law allows you to appoint someone you trust — for example, a family member or close friend – to make health care decisions for you if you lose the ability to make decisions yourself. By appointing a health care agent, you can make sure that health care providers follow your wishes. Click here to learn more.
How do you talk about healthcare decisions?
Once you have selected your proxy, be sure to inform that person about his or her role, and let him or her know about your wishes should an illness or injury leave you unable to make your own healthcare decisions.
It’s not taboo. Just bring it up at the dinner table. Try these opening lines:
“My faith is important to me and I don’t want to have….”
“I’m allergic to …. Please make sure that I don’t receive that medicine”
Talk about what you value, and be as specific as you can. You might say:
“I don’t want to ever be sustained by machines,” or “I have to be able to live independently,” or “There are new health findings every day. I would like to be kept alive until they find a cure.”
Points to remember about healthcare decisions
The discussion with your healthcare proxy can and should be ongoing. You cannot imagine every possible scenario but if the person you select as your healthcare proxy understands your values and knows the types of life-sustaining treatments that you would want, as well as those interventions that you would not want, your proxy will feel confident that they are following your wishes rather than having to decide your fate on their own.
This is not a contest of who loves you the most; rather, it’s about who will be able to carry out your wishes.
It is a tremendous burden to expect your loved ones to make these decisions for you if you have not expressly told them your wishes. Help them be your proxy.
Take time this holiday season to begin your discussion. And fill out your healthcare proxy form. Think of it as a compassionate gift to your loved ones should they ever have to make an important healthcare decision for you.